Strong Girl is for every daughters, whether eldest, middle, an only, and youngest, who were forced to hide their emotions, raised to be tough and independent, and reminded to be succeed because there is no room to be a failure, for the girls who witnessed everything and the trauma lived with them until forever, and for the one who endured the pain caused by their family.
It is for every strong girls who works hard not only for themselves but also to give everyone at home.
I hope you will always have time to yourself.
Small, weak, too shy, too fragile, too quiet, and covered in bruises, but forced to be the person who always have time for everyone, to listen to their problems, and to become the one that people rely on. Sometimes I am doing fine for being tough and capable, but other time I just feel overwhelmed and want to cry in front of everyone.
In my mother’s words:
“Just drag your heels and don’t you draw a line, be strong, girl.”
Mother, I am the shape you made me. We are existing as wretched mirrors of each other, I am all you could have been and you are all I might me. Everything is done in the name of love and trauma. All mother’s injuries are to be handed down to their daughters — your disappointments are to be paid by your daughter, and your unhappiness is to be daughter’s unhappiness too.
Your pain was mine, but was my pain also yours?
Alright, I need to be strong like you, of course.
It’s to death or less than nothing.
I am a weight hung from a fixed point so that it can swing freely backward and forward, I bring all the weight from this house, and I don’t know where to land. All I know is that if I run and swing it, I have to swing it without stop.
I am half daughter and half apology that never be said. All fire and water. I am too little, too much, and never enough.
God damn it, fuck if I am not everybody’s strong girl.
Being the eldest daughter is like always eager to please, an over achiever, drops from 100 to 80 and has a panic attack in bathroom, the ‘I need to be better than this’ all over again, I hate my mother, why do I connect more with my father, from pressure to pressure, and I just have to be good for my siblings.
Being the middle daughter is like putting pressure but it’s from yourself, feeling overshadowed by older sibling at one point, everyone admiring you for being independent at a young age but in reality you’re still a lost kid and trying to figure out everything in life — you never really learned how to ask for help.
Being the youngest daughter is like you try to hear every stories in the room, to be there for everyone, but it can be hard to keep up, you carry everyone’s trauma in the family so you decided to shut down yourself and never speak your pain, you can’t afford to fail and need to be better just like your older sibling, invalidated emotions because they thought you’re still kid and just too sensitive.
Being an only child daughter is like you are always divided, you don’t have anyone to experiment other way so you have to do everything on your own, face pain without help, having no one to depend on, forced to enjoy loneliness, and being their only hope but also disappointment until you feel scared by the responsibility.
Every daughters have their own struggles but in different fonts, but in the end they’re all the same — forced to be strong for the people around them. Being seen as “she can handle it” is tiring too sometimes, so having a high standard in everything that she does is a form of self respect.
Deep inside you just want to breathe without thinking about anyone who relies on you, bringing your childhood and everyone’s trauma in the family, and it’s a constant battle between the woman I want to be and the woman I am expected to be.
Who am I if I can’t be everybody’s strong girl?
Being strong means doing everything quietly just to be seen because you often unheard and you still find away to keep going. So here I am, writing and dedicating all of these words to all amazing girlies who are struggling and still keep going to handle everything alone, who feel burnout until bleed your self out too to chase your dreams, and carrying your family alone.
Sending virtual hugs for all daughters, everyone is so proud of you and I hope you too.No matter how tired you are, I hope love and life will always find a way to you, I hope it will always surround you, and I hope you remember that you already survived those hardships in life so you will survive another too.
Keep it up, you’re stronger than you think, but don’t forget to make a little room to let it out your feelings.
You deserve to be treated with love and kindness from this world. May you find peace in everything even when you need to take slow down. I hope life treats you well and if it doesn’t I hope you treat yourself well. I hope that you never get tired pursuing the life you always dream and keep alone no matter how tired it is because when the time is right, it will find you, strong girl.
