On the drive home is for the one who is in a relationship that they knew won’t workout but still hopes and hold on the chances that it will work. The one who can not let go of their relationship because they’ve been used to the routine and feelings of having someone.
Multiple times to realize that the two of you are not okay, five times you thought that you two would be okay, but on the drive home both of you realize that you were wrong.
We’re growing up together, we’re getting older. Two people who share a connection and deep love for each other, but lately we found that we’re heading in different directions in life. The other one have to change old limiting beliefs while the other one had to choose themselves and heal from deep rooted wounds.
Everything seems blur, eyes on the road but all you could hear is just silence fills in the car. The windows rolled down, the earthy smell greeted you after rainy day, and his hands on the steering wheel reflect the shades of the city. The melodies of the song from Snow Patrol are low, the two foggy windows to a lost soul is all that you could see too, and the sound of the wind outside are not enough to break the tension between you and him.
“So, what’s next?” He asked you with hair ruffled into a mess.
This is not the first time that you’ve done this, being confused and decided not to answer his question whenever you were caught up with something. He is also used to your silence and you too, understanding that you needed the space to think.
He hit the brake pedal to stopped the car. It’s cold outside tonight, the wind keep comes in waves, kissing his cheeks and hitting the leaves to ripple along. Usually he would hold your hand and rubbed your fingers, rest his nose against your cheeks and give trails of kisses all over your face. But tonight, it’s different. He still holds the steering wheel while his eyes on the road and the sound of cars passing by is all that we can hear now.
“I can’t make it, but I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong?” His gentle gaze is full of questions.
“I just don’t know how to make us to be on the same boat again.”
It’s always hard for you to say that.
He bites the inside of his cheek as he listens intently to your words, he doesn’t know too where he went wrong. Tonight was supposed to turn out right just like your normal activities, celebrating new year together as you used to be. But lately you two were only going in the same rough circle because of different schedules and priorities.
He chooses to stay silent, he doesn’t try to argue. He only hopes that this will pass and you two will be okay.
“You know that I want to see you win every battles, I want to see you achieve every single dream you have, the dream that you’ve been talking about to me,” you said. “But the thing is different now, I’ll support you from behind.”
And you’ll be listening while I sit here with glistening eyes as the stripes on my back chip and dry, you won’t listening to my cries anymore.
“So is this the end?” The question is almost soundless but he knows you hear it. Your hands grip on your bag, you bits your cheeks, and you swallow down nothing. Now it’s your eyes on the road while he looks at you from the driver’s seat. He hopes that you shake your head, telling him that everything is fine. Any other response would be fine for him as long as it wasn’t what he thought. “Why do you have to support me from behind when you can walk alongside with me?”
The thing is I’ve been walking behind you since a long time ago.
Maybe it’s all my fault.
You remains silence, but then nod slowly without looking into his gaze. His fears came in the blink of eyes, because with a simple nod he knew it already.
With or without me, I want to see you achieve all of your dreams. I am still your top supporter and biggest fan.
“Well, I can’t force you. Although this is so hard for me, but I understand. I only wish you the best and as long as you’re happy, then I am happy too.” That was his only response.
And we’ll be two pieces of driftwood floating in a sea of missed calls and excuses and your home will change into four walls and a mini fridge instead of four limps and lips to kiss.
Though it could still work out differently, for now this is the way that it has to be. Without uttering another world, he lets his eyes drift to the road, this will be the last time you two go on the same path and destination. He takes the long way home to remain the last moments with you while the sound of fireworks suddenly appearing and fading just like the relationship you are in.
It’s finally new year.
You learned the hard way that love is selfless. Separation is inevitable, the night is young but we had finally said goodbye, your heart ache because you thought you could keep the love forever.
We grew apart but we both grew into the person that we’ve been dreaming of. I’ll make sure to be with you in every single step of the way eventhough the path is different now.
