Nothing can is for the ‘you’re on your own kid’ people, for every daughters who grew up and forced to be independent, who prefers to suffer in silence, for the girls who distract themselves with detachment, for the burnout gifted kids, and for the one who feels tired mentally but still keep going and making through because you believe that no one ever save you except yourself.
This song is for every kids, every daughters — eldest, middle, youngest, and an only child.
This writing is for you.
You wake up with hollow these past few days. Walking on the street while wondering what’s on people mind around you. Catching the bus, taking the train, here and there, you feel exhausted. You know very well that there are many hopes hanging above in the handle grip, but they choose to bury it down. You watched life and wanted to be a part of it but found it painfully difficult. You feel as if you were the residue of a stranger’s life. You can’t even recognize the person in the mirror.
Hanging out with friends to distract yourself, because telling them how you feel seems so wrong. Distracting from the world, because telling everyone how you feel also feels so strange.
You keep on slipping.
Enduring things is what you do best.
You look around your bedroom and you’re all alone again.
When you grow up, you are just existing. Your heart inside is dying and you choose to remain silence. Some people can’t say where it hurts. Some find it impossible to ask for help, but actually need someone to talk to and rely on. The loneliness of feeling unseen by others, if you feel it, it comes from your closest one — family.
Your father and your mother are where it all began. You have your father’s rage with mother’s trust issues.
Don’t attach to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention.
Loneliness is the human condition, no one ever going to saves you and fill that void. Living with doubt and certainty is just part of being young, you are carrying it until now, all you can do is just surviving even though you still trying to figure it all alone.
You believe that everyone has their own struggles so you bottle it up your problems on your own.
You are trapped. You are caught between a rock and a hard place. You don’t know where to go.
No one will ever save you, except yourself.
So you keep trying, trying, and trying. Trying to fit in, being the mirrorball of the group, running towards your dreams, learning everything, and lastly doing something for your little self to make her proud.
Am I something?
What’s the future hold?
Will I be someone that my parents proud of?
Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice that you still smile at strangers, make your weekend plans, and feed stray cats. As you read this, the trees are blooming, the sun is shining, and the birds are chirping — suddenly you feel warm and safe again. You see yourself walking through the doors you once prayed would open. You fall in love with your own life once again because of yourself.
So the answer is you already are and you still have time to be. Although we are a collection of all the things that have ever happened to us and despite how the world is so cruel, you will always be you.
You think you are lonely, that is fine. It is exhausting being the one who is always holding on last, that is fine. You are worried no one would care if you disappeared, but sometimes you are doing good.
No matter how many times you had run away from your life, you only have yourself.
To love with life is to love yourself first.
There is a past version of you that is so proud of how far you have come.
You will live, you will live, and you will live. You will no longer to be the victim of insecurity, you will no longer to eat your worries alone, you are allowed to exist and take some space, and you will not let others dictate your life.
In the end, you are your own heroes and I am glad you are here.
