It’s sad that I settle for the backburner.

3 min readMay 15


Backburner is for the people who doesn’t mind being treated badly as second choices because at least they get treated at all. Who will never be their priority. For someone who don’t want to walk away but also scared to ask certainty of their relationship. To those people who felt enough for being just there because it’s more than enough. The one who lives in denial.

Backburner was written for me, maybe it was made for you too.

I can’t lie, it feels nice that you’re calling

It was another 3 A.M in the morning that you called me. You sound sad and you said you wanna talk, before I could even think, I picked up the phone call again. But I am not lying that it feels nice. At least, I can still hear your voice. At least, I am the one you called. At least, we keep talking to each other. At least.

Clearly, I’ve not learned my lesson even now

It’s an unspoken things between us. The uncertainty is hard to withstand. You were never consistent in the first place, but I’m always there for you — despite picking each other and being our own first choices in those years, we still aren’t made to be together.

I have always been a placeholder and I let it happen just so for a moment I can feel close to you and feel needed. Say “I don’t mind” when it comes to what you want. You’re all I have, but I am what you got, need someone else to be what I am not. I’ll be the other person in your life forever, it’s okay, I am accepting that.

Maybe you’ll finally choose me after you’ve had more time.

Ever since I was kid, I was taught that winning second best is not bad at all. So I thought being a second option is still better than being a no option at all, is it?

It’s pathetic, but at least you are too.

To crave you is like the rain pouring. How many times can the same thing break your heart? As long as you love it. All my friends called me a fool, I know, they don’t called me a fool for nothing. All the signs were there. I just refused to see them. I had just hoped that it’d take a bit longer for us. The way I loved you wasn’t normal and the way you broke me wasn’t either.

You always leave me lying in the dust, because you know that when you call me I’ll come running. I could have prevented all of this, but I decided not to. I was the one to come for advice, the one to cry with, and the one that will never be your one. I realize you only love the idea of having someone to love. Your ambiguity was your only answer at the end of the day.

After everything I still think about what I could have done, but this time I’m not coming back again. I’m walking away knowing that I’ve done enough. I’ll stop now. Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story of mine. There is no other version of this story. I hope so, this time I’m not coming back again.

I hope one day, all of you out there will realize how we all deserve the better things in life. You’re someone worth loving, worth prioritizing, and worth choosing. You’re enough. Free yourself from someone who confuses you and who doesn’t value you. You will be enough for the right person.