“You’ve watched as my legs and pride grew taller.”
I just think that Around was written to the mothers out there. To every daughters who are still lost because you are still young and this is your first life. To the person who still have no idea of where you are going, because you are in a “maze” feel trapped and wandering around. To a best friend who sticks with you through thick and thin no matter what. To the one who is still going through with grief and can finally realize that you will always carry it like a tattoo on your soul.
I took a little step.
I learned how to took a little step while holding your hands. I stand up and fell, I ran then fell too. But you were always there until I grew taller. You knew who took me to prom. You always hold me when I am down. Now you don’t have to carry me anymore, but my worries are more now that I couldn’t tell you just like how I used to when I was a little kid.
My mother is where it all begins.
She will always be herself. She is her own self. She was born to be a mother. How wonderful to live in a world where affection is biologically entrenched in us. I have searched for her love in all corners of the world because I still don’t know what kind of love that I should believe.
In and out of believing in love. What the fuck’s love?
I think I will never understand love.
Tragedy written in the stars, yet I don’t yearn to be the daughter of anyone else, to be born onto this earth, unaware of what was waiting for me.
Sometimes all I want is to run away, yet you made who I am today. I am glad that every drop of love I pour into this world, was all because of you. Every seed of kindness sow, it all cames from you.
“You know I’m proud of you?” She said.
I laughed, “For what, Mom?”
I have failed a lot. I can’t even make a simple meal.
“For trying,” She answered. “For not giving up, my dear.”
But I believe in my mother, there is an outpouring of love. I want to give her something good. She is my best friend, my everything. Despite all the war that we’ve been through, I feel like I haven’t thank her enough.
I am my mother’s child. This time around I will make her proud. My least hope is that you stick around until the end.
I love you and I am sorry.
I am sorry, mother, sometimes I wonder you deserve a child who could give you what the world has stolen. You also deserve to live your dream and by living your dream was not having me in the first place – that’s okay.
But in my next life, I still want to be born as your child. I still want you to be around me.
